Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Demon Valve

In the final weeks before the opening of Joyce's new store, we're making all the final preparations, stock, mirrors, fixtures, shelving, phone lines, etc.
But, no matter how much time, enthusiasm, and life-blood we put into our project, there is always something we can count on: Despair
Pictured above is a ceiling that I've completed six times, now. Always with the assurance of the roofer that the problem is fixed. But the problem isn't fixed. Count on it. And don't put anything under those ceiling tiles, because it will be ruined. I hope he can fix it before the laminate floor is ruined. Most of the time this so-called roofer doesn't even answer the phone. Hooray for Caller I.D. - as if people needed help to be weenies! And changing Nitwits doesn't help, we've already tried that - all roofers are the same.

Another adventure - There's a water valve up until now manually operated. Never mind what the valve is for, it's a man thing. A man doesn't always have time to push a button, we've got a lot of things on our mind. So a valve was invented that turns on for awhile when the man walks away. It's battery operated with a watchful electric eye. But, last night, when I put in the batteries, and re-booted the circuit board, this valve didn't do that. It just gave a little spritz when the reset button was pushed, and the electric eye had a faraway look in it.
So, I called the Moen Commercial Fixture help line. Since there are very few adjustments on the board, the problem should be relatively easy to diagnose. I called directly from the job site using my wife's cell phone. Brandon was puzzled, and asked me to try a number of things. All to no avail. Either the operation was the same Reset/Spritz sequence I'd seen so many times before, or all the indicator lights went out entirely, with no response whatsoever.

Then Brandon suspected that the black switch was in the wrong position. I flipped the black switch from the red to the black position. The valve came to life! Copious amounts of water came cascading down! The joy was, however short-lived. The cascading continued unabated, long after the metered one-gallon dispensation. Something had gone wrong. System was verging on overflow, because the drain couldn't handle the cascade that minutes before had brought us so much joy.

Still on the phone with Brandon, I mentioned to him that his suggestion didn't have the intended results - I don't remember my exact words, something on the order of "Holy Shit! There's water all over!" I ran for the main valve of the building to shut off the water. By the time I had gotten the water shut off, there was an inch of water on the floor of the bathroom. I asked Brandon what to try next, now that I was standing in an inch of water. His response was a series of beeps, and the Brandon was lost. When I dialed the number back, I got an automated message, saying that Moen was now closed, and that I should please try back tomorrow. Brandon didn't care if his product had just flooded his customer's place of business. That's the kind of help that a help line delivers?
So, I quietly got the bucket, and the mop, and cleaned up the mess, and went home. Count on despair. It will never let you down.

1 comment:

leslie (crookedstamper) said...

Oh, Gary, I SOOOO do NOT want your job. :(